spring is summer is…is…is…is…whatever, seasons are seasons.  i shouldn’t get too attached.  the warmth though!  still a happy surprise.  so i gave myself another surprise, a gift.  i rode my own cycleway commute race. i let a guy with a pixies shirt pass me.  he said ‘nice day for it’.  i said ‘yeah’.  it was hard not to pass him back.  but i resisted.  i felt proud of myself as well as ashamed of myself.  for being old. slow.  competitive. uncompetitive.  whatever, feelings are feelings.  i let it all of and held on to it too.  i rode up a huge hill and thought half way i wouldn’t make it.  yet i did and my arms hurt.  and it didn’t feel like an achievement, more like a memory of what i used to do more than i do now…strange that, as if my body has another season inside it, an earlier one, trying to get out, trying to carry me through this new strange weather…